I drove up our “street” (a glorified driveway that has our house and my in laws house on it and is 800′ from the road) and there was an unrecognized car sitting in front of our house. Now it’a commitment to come up there and usually it’s only Amazon Prime or UPS that we find (and that’s only 50% of the time because often they end up stopping at my in laws and just dropping packages there).
I get out of my car and there is a lady standing in front our front door (the door that no one actually uses so I know she is most likely lost). “Can I help you?”
“Nope.”
And she turned back to our door.
“Are you looking for someone?”
Then she started walking towards me.
I definitely didn’t recognize her. But I was ready to rumble.
“Are you here to pick something up?” (My wife is purging many of my daughter’s things)
“Nope. Just dropping off flowers. Hope you have a nice day!”
I go and look and see my wife’s name on them.
When she gets home I asked if she was getting flowers from anyone (the moment that question came out of my mouth it dawned on me….I don’t think I have ever sent my wife flowers…whoever sent these must be found and eliminated from any circle that we have for fear of making me look any worse that I already do on my own). She said she was not expecting anything. (And then a whole series of other questions started going through my head….)
The card was opened and it said, “You guys have made our quarantine brighter, so this is a little something to brighten your day!”
Fundamental attribution error. I heard that term for the first time this weekend and thought – well that seems like someone trying to sound smarter than they really are (which is ironic based on its meaning). But as I started to have a great discussion around the topic I was intrigued by how much this leaks into our, as my friend said, personal operating systems. Personal attribution error is when we attribute (or maybe better put, attack) one’s character based on assumption without knowing the circumstance. We do it with who people are voting for (that person is an idiot because they like Trump…that person is an idiot because they like Biden). We do it with how people respond to COVID (that person is an idiot because they are going to wait to get a vaccine when it comes out…that person is an idiot because will get the vaccine right away). We do it with how people come into the gym (well they always look unhappy they must have a miserable life….well they are way too happy all the time, they must be fake). And yet, we have no idea what is behind many of these people because we don’t care to actually get to know them.
It seems like we are wired with this fundamental attribution error.
In times when things are polarizing and argumentative maybe we need to try and send some flowers. See if that doesn’t change your own outlook. I know that our day wasn’t really that bright yesterday. And some people went out of their way – a pretty awesome group of people we know – to spread some brightness. I know it really touched us and certainly brightened our day.
Let’s brighten some days today. You never know who actually may really need it.